Even in this

“I think we need some time away so we can refocus and plan.”

I knew what he was referring to, and a part of me felt overwhelmed.

The vision we had of the home we would build, not physically, but rather, the home culture. It all seemed easy before the kiddos came along.

Before the fight, to simply get out the door.
Before the piles of laundry.
Before the conversations about how we should try to navigate this new behavioral issue.

These were the things that consumed my life.

And sure, I was learning to find beauty in them, and I was embracing them. But cultivating anything beyond that - a home that had an atmosphere of peace, joy, and beauty - felt like something I lacked the ability to pursue in this season.

Our third baby is on the way, and our oldest still needs us for nearly every task. Life feels all-consuming.

But then I think back to a recent car ride when he asked me, “What was it about your family? What was your childhood like that resulted in children who love Jesus?”

It’s the question every parent begs to have answered. When we see success, we ask for the formula so we can give it our best shot and experience the same results.

But parenting isn’t a formula. Yet, when I think back to childhood, there are things that I think mattered more than perhaps even my parents understood at the time.

The books that were handed to me from my mother’s shelves. The mornings of reading aloud. The atmosphere of loving Jesus and living it out, even in the corners of our home. The Word was openly read, but then also daily applied in the lives of my parents.

I think back to my husband’s comment —time away to recast the vision.

Yes, perhaps that’s more needed than I’ve even realised.

Because perhaps our children are shaped more by atmosphere than by muttering the same corrections. Even in this, with shoes to put on and crumbs to clean every day.

Perhaps life comes to the home through making Him more known in our homes through giving regular thought to the culture we are creating. This will accomplish more than striving for perfection in the lives of our children day in and day out.

Perhaps full joy is restored in this mother’s heart when I make my work about cultivating a home that points hearts to Him at every turn, rather than just trying to convince them of their wrongs.

Perhaps piles of good books and a love for beautiful things need to coexist with the daily times of discipline in order for us to understand what to turn away from and also what to turn towards.

When thinking back to childhood, I remember how I felt in my home.

I felt loved. I felt cared for. I felt accountability mingled with grace. I heard the truth when I was believing lies. I knew when I was reaching for something that wouldn’t bring me life.

It wasn’t because of a formula, it was because of an environment of Jesus that had been carefully (and yes, imperfectly) built by two people who desperately wanted their children to love Jesus.

All of this has been on my mind since the suggestion was made, and I start to nod.

Yes, time away —to refocus, to plan— not for perfection, but to create a home that consistently turns their gaze back to Him. Where every corner and every routine is seeped in the love of Christ.

This is the greatest investment of my time and thought - even in this.

This is what will bring me to life in these long days of motherhood and cause me to delight in this season of slipping their jackets on and tidying their messes.

To focus on building an atmosphere rather than trying my best to teach them to get it all right. Because a heart that intimately knows the love of the Father will produce more good in the world than a life that strives to keep polishing its behaviour.